entry 20!

After writing and backspacing countless times, maybe this time I can finally complete this blog. Yes, I admit that I was lost in my thoughts, and that was a phase. Every human goes through a period of introspection, realizing they've been stuck in a metaphorical hole that time has pushed them into. I felt that way too, especially now that I'm on my own. It was easy to deceive myself into drifting away from my true purpose. My mind was preoccupied with one thing, but my actions were all geared towards imaginary self-satisfaction. I was trying to control the uncontrollable, and unsurprisingly, I didn't succeed.

Despite possessing wisdom, I was behaving foolishly. Reflecting on it now, I laugh at the disparity between my desires and my actions. It's easy to fall into a time hole where everything becomes unbalanced; I did countless times. But this time, I chose to go with the flow, breaking my own rules and following the rhythm of time. Through this, I learned invaluable lessons that will stay with me. I read somewhere that it's crucial to get lost and then find yourself again because if you always follow a straight line, you can't appreciate progress, or you become bored and stagnant. Our intuition becomes complacent. However, navigating through life's curves introduces new experiences and perspectives, helping us reconnect with the mainstream with greater speed and agility.

Recently, I found myself searching for the meaning of life, even though I knew it inherently holds no single meaning. I sought satisfaction not in what I truly wanted, but in what I thought I needed. Maybe it’s big city life that I wanted to blend in with that I was infatuated with. It's like how a person without food understands hunger deeply, while someone with plenty of food thinks about everything else but hunger. I was in the latter situation, searching for fulfillment in the wrong places.

This week, I partied with my college friends and reached a version of myself I hadn't known before. It was so natural and uncontrolled that it felt like a revelation. Surrounded by the warmth and camaraderie of my incredible friends, I was so drunk on my own thoughts and emotions that I couldn't see clearly. In that uninhibited state, I purged the infatuated and overthinking version of myself, shedding layers of pretension and self-doubt. I realized how often I let my mind get tangled in unnecessary worries and imagined scenarios, preventing me from experiencing genuine happiness. The spontaneity and rawness of that night allowed me to strip away those false layers of satisfaction. With my friends' unwavering support and joyous spirits, I vomited out the infatuated person and the overthinking self, confronting my true desires and joys. I understood that real happiness comes from authenticity and being present in the moment. This revelation was liberating and empowering, showing me how to maintain control over my happiness by being true to myself and embracing the unpredictable nature of life. This moment of clarity connected me to my true self, unburdened by the need for approval or fear of failure, reminding me that losing control can sometimes lead to the most meaningful insights and personal growth. I am profoundly grateful to my friends for being the guiding lights on this transformative journey. Thank you from the core of my heart.

Oh, I’m struggle to articulate these feelings. But perhaps that's the essence of it all: Understanding that life's journey, with all its missteps and revelations, is what shapes us. Embrace the detours, for they are just as important as the destination. Just go with flow and rock it. Peace ✌🏻

entry 19!

Lately, I’ve found myself waking up feeling confined, as if I’m living in a small box. Every day, the walls close in, limiting my thoughts and feelings. But occasionally, a profound sentence or a meaningful word breaks through, offering a glimpse of a larger perspective. In those moments, the box expands, and everything starts to make sense. It’s a fleeting clarity, but it’s enough to make me realize how constricted my usual state is—and how much I fear it. When I’m able to see the bigger picture, everything feels better. It’s as if the weight of existence lifts, and life takes on a different hue. This quest for understanding, this search for the meaning of life, is something humans have grappled with since Buddha first posed the question. His answers became the foundation of a religion, offering a sense of purpose and direction. Yet, my journey has taken a different path.

I’ve followed various philosophies and self-help teachings, from ancient Egyptian beliefs to modern-day self-improvement books. Each one promises answers, but none have fully satisfied me. They offer fragments of truth, but there’s always something missing. This constant search, this endless testing of beliefs, has left me feeling unfulfilled. Now, only blank pages seem to attract me—an empty space where I can flow with time, unbound by predefined meanings. Despite my efforts, nothing has hit the mark. I look around and see the world enjoying its existence, a phenomenon I wish to partake in but can’t. This existential frustration has been growing, especially here in Tokyo, where my solitude magnifies it. The city's energy contrasts sharply with my internal turmoil, making my sense of isolation even more profound.

Last night, during a moment of introspection, a profound thought occurred to me. I questioned my existence, zooming out from my immediate surroundings. I am a body sitting on a bed, in a rented room, in Tokyo, Japan, on Earth. Further zooming out, I envisioned myself floating on a space rock that has been drifting through the vastness of space for eons and will continue to do so. This realization was both humbling and liberating. It hit me that life, in the grand scheme of things, means nothing. We are just specks on a space rock, drifting aimlessly through the cosmos.

This might sound bleak, but it was a moment of clarity for me. If life truly has no inherent meaning, then the pressure to find one dissipates. We are free to create our own meaning, to live authentically without the burden of a predetermined purpose. In this vast, indifferent universe, we can find freedom in the absurdity of it all.

So, here I am, floating on this space rock, letting go of the need to find a grand meaning. Instead, I’m embracing the journey, the process of being, and the fleeting moments of clarity that break through the mundane. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough. So, Peace Man!!✌🏻

Entry 18!

As I sit here in the middle of this serene park, contemplating the passing of time, I'm struck by the profound realization that a quarter of the year has already slipped through our fingers. It's a moment of solitude, a moment of introspection, where the day is slowly fading into dusk, marking yet another step in the relentless march of time.

Time, oh what a thought-provoking concept it is! It's both fascinating and frightening in its unstoppable momentum. We can't halt its flow or turn it back; we can only ride along its currents, witnessing our days turn into years and our moments morph into memories. I find myself marveling at the dichotomy of time—how it can evoke both fear and joy, how it can feel like a cage constraining us yet also like the ultimate freedom. It's a paradoxical dance of existence, much like my own being—an inevitable truth, here yet not fully grasped.

Two years have passed since I broke free from the cages of false beliefs and superstitions that once ensnared me. It's been a journey toward the freedom I didn't even know I craved, a liberation that now allows me to live like the king of my own destiny. Looking back, I see a younger version of myself, fearless and determined, navigating through challenges that seemed insurmountable at the time. If I could speak to that younger self, I would offer reassurance—“Don't worry, you'll find your way. You're building yourself in the right direction.”

Now, let's talk about time—not in the conventional, orthodox sense, but through my own lens and a touch of science. Time, I believe, is an illusion we humans have crafted. It's a construct born of our need to quantify and organize the passing moments. In reality, time has always existed in the vastness of the universe. There are no years, months, or days in the cosmic dance; there's only the constant rhythm of existence. We, as inhabitants of Earth, are part of this grand symphony, growing and evolving until we reach our own culmination, much like stars that explode after reaching their ultimate growth.

The sun rises and sets, casting shadows and light, just as our lives ebb and flow between moments of brightness and darkness. We've created divisions like days and nights, but these are merely human inventions, not the true essence of time. Our ancestors made mistakes too, altering the natural order to fit their needs. We've inherited those missteps, experiencing shorter days and longer nights, but perhaps there's a lesson in that—a reminder to align ourselves with nature rather than against it.

You might disagree with my perspective on time, and that's perfectly fine. The beauty of existence lies in our diversity of thoughts and interpretations. As I wrap up this contemplation on time and existence, I can't help but think of the powerful words of the song “Imagine” by John Lennon:

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us,                      and the world will live as one.”

So, let's raise a toast to the world, embrace its mysteries, and keep on rocking in this cosmic journey of time and existence. Cheers! and spread Peace✌🏻

entry 17!

They said, “戦争はもう欲しくない、平和でいいよ”. “We don't want war anymore, just peace.” These words came from someone who lived through World War II. I recently had the chance to chat with this incredible person, someone who witnessed the bombings in Japan. They shared memories from that time, and it was such an amazing conversation. I regret not recording it.

This gentleman, 92 years old and still working in his own shop making suits in Tokyo, is one of the three people above 90 in this ward(area) of Tokyo. Our conversation started with the usual topics—my studies, future plans, and thoughts about Japan. I expressed my appreciation for all cultures and their evolution over time. They seemed to like my perspective and began sharing their experiences.

I asked what motivates them to work every day at this age, and they said, 'Without work, I might as well be dead. This work has shaped who I am today, so why should I stop? Even though it's hard, I'll give my all to it.' I was deeply impressed by their dedication.

Talking to someone who's lived through so much and has such depth of experience is always exciting. Though I wish we could have talked more, it was during business hours. Still, they spent over 30 minutes with me, and I felt like I gained something precious.

Every sentence they spoke ended with a desire for peace, not war. While I agree with this sentiment, I also acknowledge that conflict, in some forms, can drive progress. Personally, every day feels like a battle, but hearing their perspective made me reflect.

I've never experienced war between countries, only personal struggles. I asked them about the difference, and they described the real, lasting fear of war even decades later.

Finally, I asked for advice on dealing with problems, and they simply said, “Smile from the heart and keep moving forward.” I'll take that to heart. And there is only wish left to say him - ”おじさん、長生きてください” that means “Have a long life…”. Peace✌🏻

entry 16!

From time to time, we find ourselves in need of healing, propelled forward by the currents of change. It’s been a decade since I began taking myself seriously, a shift prompted by life’s unexpected turns. I recall a moment of reckoning, marked by a low score on an exam that forced me to confront my own shortcomings. That experience ignited a newfound dedication to self-study and personal growth.

My childhood was far from ordinary, filled with hardships that shaped my worldview. Poverty was not just a concept; it was a reality I lived and sought to transcend. I embarked on a quest to understand the other side of life, driven by a deep-seated curiosity and a desire for a better future. Despite the challenges, I have always believed in the cyclical nature of history and the potential for transformation.

As an Indian, spirituality became my guiding light. Amidst a plethora of deities, I searched for an idol that mirrored my journey, only to realize that true enlightenment stems from within. I embraced the dual roles of student and teacher, for I couldn't find a mentor with that elusive X-factor. Instead, I delved into ancient texts from Sumerian wisdom to contemporary insights, thirsty for knowledge that would reshape my understanding.

Drawing from ancient scriptures and diverse philosophies, I forged my path—a fusion of ideologies that reflects my unique identity. Life, I've come to understand, is like a graphite pencil; it requires occasional sharpening to tell a clear and compelling story. Peace✌🏻

entry 15!

                            Growing up in a strict environment can leave a profound impact on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. For me, my parents' loud presence and their emphasis on kindness and manners shaped my early years. Yet, despite their teachings, I found myself resisting and yearning for something different.

As I ventured into the vastness of the world alone, I realized the value of their lessons. In the midst of changing seasons, I sought personal transformation. However, I struggled to feel the change until a dream brought clarity.

I learned that while words are powerful teachers, moments can be transformative. The realization dawned on me that embracing change doesn't always mean forcing it; sometimes, it's about being true to oneself and allowing growth to unfold naturally.

In this journey of self-discovery, I've come to understand the importance of both learning and unlearning. We accumulate knowledge along the way, but we must also shed old beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve us, much like peeling a banana to reach its nourishing core.

Life teaches us through experiences, and each moment carries the potential for growth. It's about finding balance between adaptation and authenticity, between going with the flow and introspection.

So, as I continue on this path of growth, I carry with me the lessons of the past while embracing the wisdom of the present. Life is a constant cycle of learning, unlearning, and evolving, and each step brings us closer to our true selves.

In the dance of life, we learn and unlearn, Like a river's flow, ever-changing, we discern. Lessons whispered by moments in the night, Illuminate the path, guiding us towards light.

Peeling away layers, like a banana's skin, Revealing truths within, where growth begins. In the stillness of self, we find our way, Embracing the journey, come what may.

So let words and dreams intertwine, As we savor life's essence, like aged wine. With each step, we evolve and grow, In the poetry of existence, we find our flow.

Peace ✌🏻

entry 14!

Moving to Japan from a country where speaking multiple languages is the norm has been a fascinating experience. In my home country, conversing in more than one language is as natural as breathing, a skill ingrained from childhood. However, the dynamics change when you're immersed in a culture where your linguistic diversity becomes a unique trait, sparking priceless reactions from those around you.

Upon arriving in Japan, I realized that my ability to speak not only Japanese but also my mother tongue set me apart. It's like carrying a treasure trove of words and expressions that bridge cultural divides. The first time I effortlessly switched between languages, I witnessed a mix of surprise, curiosity, and admiration in the eyes of my Japanese friends and colleagues. It was a moment that encapsulated the beauty of linguistic diversity and the power of communication beyond borders.

Speaking one's mother tongue is a musical symphony, evoking deep-rooted emotions and memories. It connects us to our heritage, traditions, and ancestors, weaving a tapestry of identity. However, mastering a vastly spoken language like Japanese opens doors to new experiences, friendships, and opportunities. It's a journey of learning, adapting, and embracing the nuances of a foreign tongue.

Navigating daily life in Japan involves a delicate dance between languages. From ordering food at a local izakaya to engaging in business meetings, being multilingual adds layers of richness to interactions. It's not just about words; it's about understanding cultural nuances, gestures, and unwritten rules of communication.

The joy of multilingualism lies in its ability to foster empathy and connection. When I speak in my mother tongue, I invite others to explore my world, share in my experiences, and understand my perspective. Similarly, when I speak Japanese, I enter into a dialogue that bridges our differences, creating moments of shared understanding and appreciation.

Despite the challenges of language barriers, the journey of multilingualism is incredibly rewarding. It's a constant reminder of the beauty of diversity and the power of communication to transcend boundaries. Each language carries with it a unique emotion, a story waiting to be told, and a connection waiting to be made.

As I continue to navigate life in Japan, I cherish every opportunity to share my languages, to celebrate our differences, and to build bridges that unite us in a world where words hold the key to understanding and unity.

In conclusion, the journey of multilingualism is a testament to the richness of human expression and the power of language to connect hearts and minds. Whether it's speaking your mother tongue with nostalgia and pride or mastering a foreign language with determination and curiosity, each linguistic endeavor adds depth to our understanding of the world. So, to all fellow multilingual souls out there, let's continue to speak our truths, share our stories, and appreciate the beauty of linguistic diversity. For in our words and expressions, we find not only communication but also a celebration of humanity's kaleidoscope of voices. Peace ✌🏻

entry 13!

     Stepping out from another night shift in Tokyo, a city that pulses with life even in the darkest hours, I'm struck by the surreal beauty around me. It's been a year since I made the leap from Nagoya, a decision that felt daunting at the time but now feels like the best choice I've ever made.

The past weeks have been a blur of endless rain and cloudy days, like a metaphor for the challenges life throws our way. But today, oh today, Tokyo is a canvas painted with new colors, a testament to resilience and the promise of brighter days ahead. I clearly remember the uncertainty I felt when I first arrived here, leaving behind familiarity for the unknown. Tokyo, with its bustling streets and vibrant energy, seemed like the antidote to my stagnant life. And it hasn't disappointed.

As I sit on the bus, gazing out the window and penning down these thoughts, I realize my limitations as a writer. Yet, each moment feels uniquely mine, like a song composed exclusively for this chapter of my life. Interactions with strangers, colleagues, and friends have enriched my experience, always reminding me of the diversity of human stories. While some encounters leave a positive imprint, others test my patience. Nonetheless, I've learned to appreciate each individual's journey and cherish the memories created along the way…!!

With April approaching, signaling the start of college, I'm immersed in completing my ongoing project. iOS development, akin to playing a guitar, has been a journey of persistence and discovery. The initial struggles with Storyboard mirror learning to play an acoustic guitar – painful yet rewarding. Conversely, mastering SwiftUI feels like plugging into an electric guitar, unleashing boundless creativity. Despite the challenges, I find immense joy in iOS development, honing my skills and crafting apps. The anticipation of uploading my work to the App Store fuels my ambition.

As the bus ride concludes, Simon & Garfunkel's "The Boxer" plays on my AirPods, resonating with my journey's highs and lows. Till the next one, Peace ✌🏻

entry 12!

As the sakuras begin to bloom in my neighborhood, marking the end of my first year at college and giving way to a much-needed break, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Life is a bit like the seasons, you know? Always changing, sometimes challenging, but also full of beauty and growth if we're open to it.

Think of life as a painting. We're the artists, using our experiences as colors to create something uniquely ours. Going back to basics, like using a pencil and paper, is like reconnecting with who we truly are. Every stroke, even the messy ones, adds depth and character to our story.

Change is a funny thing. It's not always easy, but it's necessary for growth. It pushes us out of our comfort zones, helping us discover new talents and strengths we didn't know we had. Sure, it can be scary and even make us feel guilty sometimes, but that guilt can be a catalyst for positive change if we let it.

Imagine wanting to be like spring, vibrant and full of life. Well, to get there, we have to endure the cold and darkness of winter first. Life's challenges are like that. They test us, shape us, and ultimately make us stronger and more resilient.

Through it all, one thing remains constant—the love and support of our loved ones, especially our moms. Their belief in us gives us the courage to chase our dreams and make them proud.

The journey ahead is full of twists and turns, but it's also full of opportunities. It's not just about reaching our goals but enjoying the ride and learning from every experience along the way.

So, as I embark on this journey of self-discovery and growth, I do it with hope and determination. Life won't always be easy, but with the right mindset and support, we can embrace change, find our purpose, and live a life filled with promise and fulfillment. And as we navigate through the twists and turns of life, I invite you to listen to the song "I Lived" by OneRepublic. Its uplifting lyrics and empowering melody encapsulate the essence of embracing change, living life to the fullest, and cherishing every moment of our journey.

So, let's face each day with courage, chase our dreams relentlessly, and remember that every experience, every challenge, and every triumph shapes us into who we are meant to be.

Together, let's embrace change, find promise and purpose, and write the beautiful story of our lives. Peace✌🏻

entry 11!

What holds greater significance – words or feelings? This is a question that often plagues my mind, especially when I find myself grappling with emotions for someone special. The challenge lies in expressing these sentiments adequately; words, it seems, fall short in capturing the depth of my emotions. There are moments when, in the recesses of my mind, I envision the perfect scenario – the right weather, the serene backdrop of nature's music, and the opportune time to articulate my feelings. In this imagined scenario, the words flow effortlessly, and the person on the receiving end comprehends the essence of my emotions.

However, reality paints a different picture. When the moment arrives, words elude me, and even when they do surface, they seem inadequate. The risk of being misunderstood or judged looms large. The crux of the matter lies in the elusive perfect words that I've harbored for so long, trapped between my lips, never finding their way out. In such instances, it's my eyes that become the silent narrators, conveying what words cannot. It's intriguing how a mere exchange of glances can transcend the limitations of verbal communication.

The power of eye contact becomes palpable during those moments. It's a form of communication that feels almost intoxicating, akin to the impact of consuming copious amounts of alcohol. Perhaps, under the influence of such intoxication, those elusive words might find release, transforming into a melodious symphony.

Yet, there persists a kind of feeling – pure and unspoken, much like the subtle fragrance lingering in the air. It lacks a vocal manifestation, resembling an aroma without sound. Both parties involved can sense its presence, but expressing it verbally remains elusive. This unspoken secret, akin to an aroma that permeates the air, is known to both, even though it defies verbal articulation. What mysterious force governs this silent understanding? It's a question that lingers, much like the unspoken emotions we navigate in the intricate dance between words and feelings.

In conclusion, the intricate dance between words and feelings unveils a poignant struggle in expressing profound emotions. While the envisioned perfection of words often falls short in reality, the silent language of eye contact emerges as a potent alternative, reminiscent of an intoxicating experience. Yet, amidst this struggle, a lingering unspoken feeling, akin to a subtle fragrance in the air, persists. This mysterious force defies vocal articulation but is mutually acknowledged, adding depth to the intricate interplay. As the quest for expression unfolds in both spoken and unspoken realms, the timeless mystery of whether words or feelings hold greater significance remains, leaving us in contemplation of the delicate balance between the two. Peace ✌🏻